Life’s Pretty Straight…….

I don’t know what is going on…I don’t know who is doing it or why…and I don’t know if I get the joke.

Yesterday… had an altercation with a vending machine…the stupid thing kept taking my money…so I kept beating it up as any well adjusted male would do. Eventually…I won the fight…got my money back and didn’t end up buying anything from the arrogant thing.

Today…I had packets of Twisties mysteriously appearing on my desk.

Now I know I was anthropomorphizing by swearing at and beating up the machine…and for holding a grudge and assuming that it had something against me….but do you think that this is the mechanical menaces method of retaliation? I doubt it. I wasn’t even trying to buy Twisties…and the machine would have know that!

No…I think that there are far more sinister forces at work here…someone is trying to do my head in …and I think they have succeeded.

So….I have to look at who this would be. In doing so…firstly…I look for motivation. I ask myself…”who would benefit most?” And when I say benefit….I mean …who would gain the most pleasure and shear delight and obtain the most laughs from seeing me have my head done in like this?

When I think about it all like that…I reach the sad conclusion that it would be a pretty big club. I actually work with people who’s sole source of pleasure in their work is gained through making other peoples lives hell.

But there is more going on here that simply trying to make my life difficult..this is psychological torture that could only be the brainchild of a very sick individual. Someone who wants to deliver a message to me in a way that only they could. This would have to be a scheming, vindictive spiteful and sadistic person…and therefore…most likely a woman!

I am not paranoid….you know…I am not….promise…I don’t have to be now…because ever since I started wearing aluminum underwear…the aliens …mostly ….have no idea where I am …it all seems to work pretty well…the foil also went on the roof of the house …and now…..I am convinced that even the government listening devices are sufficiently interfered with…. so as not to pose a major impact on my life…even my therapist says I am doing well…..and I am not at all paranoid! I want to make that totally clear.

Anyway…whoever it is that is doing this to me….I have a message for you.

I think I know who you are…what is more important…I think I know why you are doing this to me….If I am right…then maybe you should keep doing it? Or maybe not? Who knows? And for you ….I have given some clues in this post… I have actually described who is doing this and why in this post…you may have to read it backwards…or translate it into an obscure Siberian dialect to unlock the code…..but it is all there!

And anyway…I like Twisties…so keep sending them…because…you know…life is pretty straight without a Twistie!